Comparisonitis - comparing yourself to your (former) self

I don't know about you, but my thoughts on life are that you use it to learn lessons, and build on those lessons to create a bigger, bolder, better self.  Except when life itself gets in the way, and you find that even though you have climbed the ladders in many ways, the snakes pop up without warning, and you seem back at the bottom of the board.

So after spending the better part of a year off the bike, I have been coached by Jess for 7 weeks now.  Of that 7 weeks, I've had a week off for mental health, and a week off being sick.  I've ridden my bike 27 times, for a total of 434.6kms.  That's an average of 5 rides per week.  And don't get me wrong, I'm feeling the improvement, I'm getting stronger, a bit faster, and building stamina (and butt robustness!).  But I can't help but compare myself to where I have been in the past.

In 2010 I rode 210kms non stop Around the Bay, as part of my triathlon training.  

In 2012 I rode 1,230m of ascent over 40kms up Mt Buffalo.  

And in 2015 I rode nearly 5,000kms in 4 months, with over 45,000m of ascent, most of it off-road, on a fully loaded touring bike.

Today I struggled to get 30km with 500m of ascent at the You Yangs,  my local MTB park, when my training plan actually said 50kms and 1,000m of ascent. What the actual fuck!  I should be doing this shit in my sleep.  But instead, I'm battling to turn the pedals like someone who has never been on the bike before.

This time last year I could ride almost all the way up vomit hill.  Today I made it a quarter before the legs (or head!??) gave up.  This time last year I could run a couple of kms (rather badly), today I got excited cause my ankle let me run 10 metres.  This time last year I did Epic at Mt Buller, and right now I'm crapping myself about being able to do it when I'm up there in a few weeks.  And this time last year I had a single chin, today it seems to have multiplied!  Arrrgh!

Right, refocus Richelle.  Its so easy to focus on the failures, the "I was so much better back then's".  So, SO easy.

But this time last year I was working in a corporate job that sapped my soul.  Today I'm working for myself, taking women hiking, on my own terms.  This time last year I was in a relationship that I now know wasn't working, and today I am accountable only to myself.  This time last year I had a shitty relationship with food, today I eat what I need, without the mental war that has been waged since I was a teenager.  

So I might not be able to run right now, and I might be a long long way from where I have been, and want to be on the bike, but hey, I'm a helluva lot closer than 7 weeks ago.  I must remind myself of that, so hopefully this little ranty mcrant will do that!

And as Jess continuously repeats...its the 1% improvements that count, and I just need to trust the process, and work on my patience!!